Seriously? Is this what 40 is going to be like?

I have been trying to decide if I want to put my recent "situation" in blog world or not.  Part of me says...nah, who really wants to hear about the craziness of the past few weeks....then part of me says, yes.  Yes, you should document what all we have been through.  Not just for John Q Publik....but for myself, as a reminder of where we were, where we are and how our God helped us get through a scary few weeks.   So, I'm gonna go for it.  So when I am having a bad day, or when I might be mad at my husband or when years from now when all this is just a blur, I can look back at this blog and reassure myself how far I've come, how awesomely fantastic my family and friends are and just how good my God is.  After all.....I always say I'm keepin' it real.  So....here's what's gone down in the past month.


The Brechbills were allowed off the farm the last week of January.  We packed up our skis, our kids and my dad and his wife and flew out west....to Colorado....where it's clear and crisp and covered with awesome white snow.  We happened to arrive a few days after a BIG snowfall (I think they got 4-5 feet?) and it just so happened that God was smiling upon us and blessed us with perfect ski days.  The weather was warm (in the 30's and 40's) and no wind.  The kids were skiing well and we had a wonderful time.  I did fall on our first day, not bad....got up and continued my day.....no problems at all the rest of the week.  This might not seem important, but it does have bearing on the following week.


We headed home on Sunday, January 30th and finally arrived to sleep in our own beds around 2am.   When I got up in the morning, I had a headache and my back felt "tight."  No biggie......took some Advil and took a nice nap.    Farm Boy Jr. had a big birthday coming up on Tuesday, Feb 1st, so I got busy Monday making some birthday cupcakes and just getting back into the swing of things, you know all the joy that awaits when you come home from a week away?  Laundry, cleaning, blah...blah...blah.  Still had a headache and some stiffness/soreness in my back.   The Dairy Farmer and punk #1 were complaining about being stiff and sore too!  Skiing is hard work!!


While we were gone, a good family friend passed away and we had his funeral to attend on Tuesday.  Still had that darn headache and was feeling a little nauseous.  Figured it was a migraine and took a nap that afternoon.  Also made an appt to see the chiropractor hoping he could get my back fixed and all would be good as new.   We celebrated Jr's 10th birthday with his grandparents that night since cub scouts was cancelled due to the weather.   My back and neck were pretty stiff, still had a headache and I noticed that my index fingers were kinda tingly.  I also noticed when I went to bed that night that my tongue felt like I had burned it....but we didn't really have anything hot for dinner.  The inside of my mouth had a slight metallic taste too....like a had a bag of pennies in my mouth.  Hmmmm, weird.


Visited my chiro on Wed morning- eww.....I was a mess.  He was thinking I may have lactic acid build up from all the hard work the week before, then sitting for hours, then going back to "normal."  He tried to adjust my neck, but...no way...sorry....too.....much.....pain.  He told me to eat lots of bananas, keep exercising, drink lots of water and come back on Friday morning.  Hey....the headache is gone, but dang....my fingers are tingling......wait.....I think my toes are too?   I tried to head to bed that night....but no way was my back having any of that!  I tried Biofreeze, Advil and even went old school with the heating pad.....did NOT get much sleep that night for sure. 


Not sure what Thursday was like, but I can say this....damn, my back hurt.  It was like a ginormous muscle spasm that would not stop.  My hands and feet were tingling still and that darn taste was in my mouth, so I sure wasn't eating well.  If I looked down at my feet, I could feel it pull from the top of my head to the backs of my knees.  Time for medicinal intervention and I had an appointment to see the family dr on Friday morning.  I can also say this.....I was up, again, all night.   I would even come downstairs and do 15 minutes on the treadmill, just to try and get my back to relax a little. 


Friday am found me at the doctor.....same symptoms......all getting worse.  I guess she concurred with the chiropractor? But, did send me for some blood work and prescribed muscle relaxants and increased my ibuprofen to 800 mg three times a day and come back next Friday.  I spent my morning waiting for the blood work, had my meds filled and drove home around noon (thinking the entire time that my hands were so numb that I could barely feel the steering wheel)  I tried to hold off on the muscle relaxants until I could get through a stamping workshop I had that night.  The Dairy Farmer convinced me I had time and to take one and try to get some rest.  Well, I did and...I did.....and there was no way I could do a workshop for an elementary school while I was all hopped up on drugs.    Thankfully, I have great customers who always come through, so I stayed home and rested.   It was short lived....the pain came back and I was up again all night.   How on earth do people with back problems do this?  It's unbelievable!


Saturday was a blur...but still doing the same things....begging the Dairy Farmer to rub my back, but yelling at him to stop because it hurt so bad.  Trying biofreeze, advil, flexirol and at this point, I realized every time I washed my hands with cold water or the cold air touched my skin, it felt like I was on fire.  Ok, this is getting frustrating. 
Around 2pm, I realized that I could not take another night of the pain.  I decided a trip to the ER was in order.  Of course, I choose prime calf feeding time on a weekend when The DF was working his job AND my job, but I was hoping that going in early would alleviate us having to sit in the ER all night.   Thankfully, my stepmother was available and she took me in while the kids and the DF took care of the farm.


Not really sure what all occurred..at that point I was so sleep deprived, wasn't eating well and in s0 much pain, I wasn't paying much attention.  I do know they did blood work, which was pretty normal and decided I could have a food poisoning that could be linked to some sushi we had for dinner when we were on vacation.   There was no test to confirm it, but the treatment was just managing symptoms.   They gave me some benedryl.  Well.....that did jack squat.  When the Dr came back in, I told him I really didn't care what I had, but I needed something for the pain.   finally, an angel named Morphine showed up and ahhh.......for the first time in days, I was pain free!!!!   It lasted for a full 20  minutes!!!!!    They sent me home with Vicoden and to continue the muscle relaxants and meet up with my family doc on Monday to discuss amongst ourselves. 


Well.......after 2 vicoden every 4 hours, I still was up all night, all I could do for the pain was pace the floor, walk on the treadmill and catch a few catnaps here and there.  I must've fallen asleep for a bit, because I woke up on Sunday morning (Feb 6th) and felt very numb.   My face felt like I had a shot of Novocaine, my hands and feet were numb and I wasn't sure if that was ok.  The Dairy Farmer got up early and took care of cows and calves and then ran to church to teach Sunday school, while I was left at home by myself with Google.  Well.....I made it downstairs, but was beginning to panic when I realized my walking was affected because my legs were so numb.   So, good old Google and I decided that maybe I had MS?   I waited until The DF came home and we decided it was probably due to the massive amounts of drugs I had taken in the course of 24 hours.   We decided to hold on a bit.   A few hours later, I noticed the my vision was getting blurry....ok.....I am freakin' now.   I called the ER to ask if the drugs I was given could be causing this.  Sadly, no......she told me to come in right away. 


The Dairy Farmer got the kids situated and off we went again.   This time, we said we really need to dig a little further and they ordered a head CT and back x-rays.   Got through all that and was so happy when the "kid" that was doing my CT noticed that I have a pretty significant birthday coming up soon.  "Looks like 40 started early," he said. " Hey Punk....you are so lucky I am in pain, or I'd bitch slap you upside the head."  Well, young Doctor Doogie showed up and said that everything looked normal on all tests and so did my blood work.  Not sure what to say....maybe some meds and go home?   Thank You Lord for giving my husband a sense of urgency.  No....I don't think so, he said......so Dr. Doogie went to his superiors and they must have suggested a neurological consult.  At this point, The DF looked at me and said, "are nurses getting younger or are we that old?"  Sadly, I think it's the latter.


February 6, 2011....around 5pm.....in walked Dr G.....who would soon become my most favorite person ever!   We discussed MS and also he threw out Guillain Barre Syndrome, not too common, but they do see a few cases a year.  I would need further testing.    He did pull out his car keys and poked my arms and legs to see what  I could/ could not feel.  I was numb from the shoulders down and from the knees down.  I also was developing what they call a "chest plate" where my chest and stomach were numb.   I could go home and come back for more testing or they could admit me and try and manage my pain.  HELLO????  I'll take an oceanfront room with a balcony and an endless supply of morphine please. 


I was admitted to the cardiac unit, given morphine (2 mg every 2 hours) and sadly, given info about Guillain Barre Syndrome.  It was a slow, quiet night in the ER.....Superbowl Sunday.   We had a very nice nurse, who took good care of me, my husband stayed until late into the night and I tried like hell to keep a handle on the pain.  The morphine lasted about an hour and the other hour I spent pacing the floor until I could happily push the call button and hold out my arm like a junkie waiting for nurse Paul to make it all go away.  The DF left around midnight maybe?  And this is what he said to nurse Paul:   "please take good care of my wife, she's the only one I have."   My heart broke into a million pieces when reality flooded over me.....I am in the hospital with perhaps a life threatening illness.....my kids are with my dad and his wife and my husband is going home.......I prayed like I have never prayed before......and God was gracious and gave me peace.  I still had pain, terrible, excruciating, unbearable pain......but in my heart, I was calm.  I did not feel panic.   I can not imagine what it must have been like for my husband, who I am sure, came home and hooked up with our old friend Google and found out more about this disease than I was ever told.


Monday, Feb 7th....... after a long, long, long night......I was scheduled for an MRI and a lumbar puncture.  This day is really a blur, because I was introduced to my NEW best friend- Ativan.  I also know that my favorite Dr G ordered 3 mg of morphine every 1 and 1/2 hours.....oh thank you so much!


 I don't remember anything about the testing and not too much about the whole afternoon.  I do know that I had to lay completely flat for 8 hours.  I do know that my children came in to see me and I couldn't get up.  Taryn cried, she cried so much and my little boy, he looked at me like a deer in the headlights.  Oh Dear God, what is happening to me?????    I am pretty sure that the DF stayed with me until late.   I also remember being told that my MRI was good, but I did have Guillain Barre Syndrome and they were starting treatments. I would be in for 5 days for sure, receiving treatments of Immunoglobulin to try and fight against my already crazy immune system that was beating the crap out of my nerves with sledgehammers.    Boy, my face is starting to feel swollen.   But......I think my back doesn't hurt as much?  Oh, sweet morphine....I love you. 


Tuesday, February 8th........the DF showed up early in the morning and I realized that my face was totally paralyzed.  Ok, I might be a bit scared now.....God, you know what is happening and you know why.  I know you've got my back and trust that we will all get through this.    The Dr came in and told me to close my eyes tight....nope.  Show me your teeth....nope.   Raise your eyebrows.....nope.   My tongue is so swollen it's over top of my teeth and I'm biting it.   I am nauseous, sweaty, dizzy and headachey.  I know that people go on ventilators when they can't breathe.....Please God.....do not let that happen to me.  And while we are praying.....I really don't want a catheter either, I can't handle the catheter.    We talked to Dr G about Hershey....do we need to consider going elsewhere?  I can eat jello and pudding.  I can still blink.  I can still swallow.  I can bite a straw and push it against the roof of my mouth and drink water.....all these are small things, but things I was so thankful for.  I was visited by physical therapy to help me get my butt outta bed and learn to move around with numb feet and speech therapy came to see how I was doing.  Same game, different coach- raise your eyebrows, show me your teeth, squeeze your eyes.....nope.  Say your name....oh dear.....oooeee ectill.  That's as good as it gets.


In the middle of all this, my husband logged onto facebook and put the word out.  He also started texting friends and family and asking for prayers.  He made sure our employees took over the farm, he made sure my family had the kids and told our friends to go into "vacation" mode.....and all the animals were taken care of.  He made sure my "fan club" was up to date on what was happening to me and people prayed for me and put me on their prayer lists and hundreds of people lifted me up.....and I was thankful.

 Dr G called Hershey and they were willing to take me......but, he also sent his colleague to talk with us.  In the meantime, other Drs in the hospital who are family friends stopped by and had good things to say about Dr G.  That is always reassuring.   The nurses made sure that mentally I was ok....since I couldn't communicate, apparently, this can affect your brain too?   Dr S showed up and we decided that treatment was already started, they did have a correct diagnosis and in answer to our prayers.....I had a slight twitch in the lower left side of my jaw.  That's all we needed to know that things were looking up.


Wednesday, February 9th.  Physical therapy came to see me and put me thru the "test" to make sure I would be ok when I got home.  I could get in and out of bed myself, sit in a chair, lift my legs and go up and down stairs.  Of course, everything is in super slow mo...like that commercial where the swimmers try to swim through caramel.   He told me that I have been extremely blessed since most people with GBS don't respond this quickly. Hmmm..wonder if he knows how many people are praying for me?  I was discharged from his service.


On this day, I also found out that on the cardiac floor...you don't get chocolate......or caffeine....or OH MY STINKIN HECK......showers!!!!!   Big Daddy called it the detox floor.   Luckily, I had a quick nurse who grabbed Dr G and had him sign orders for me to take a shower.  It wasn't easy....and I'm sure it wasn't pretty, but as it soon was brought to my attention that this immunoglobulin treatment consisted of 4 bottles per treatment and each bottle took 5 hours to run.....I was going to be here more than 5 days.....and I was going to be needing a shower.


Thursday, February 10th.....still in the joint but each day I am slowing improving.  I have lots of twitching in my face, which is the nerves waking up and repairing themselves.  I think I was speaking a little more clearly.  Speech came to see me and my name is now..... odeee eckilll.....better.  I kept practicing at night trying to get my lips to move, even a little bit.  She did discharge me from her service.  Once my nerves come back, I shouldn't have any problems speaking.....thankfully my throat/tongue wasn't affected.   Blessings....Blessing....Blessings.   So, all I can do is hang out in bed, hold my husband's hand all day and watch TV.  We caught up on 2 sitcoms we hadn't ever watched:  The New Adventures of Old Christine and How I Met Your Mother.   Many people were asking to come visit....but out of respect for my very large, elderly, half naked room mate, we just limited it to family.    This kids would come in, hang out in my bed and mooch ginger ale off my sweet nurses.   We were all feeling like everything was starting to look up.


Until......my mom has been away for a month on a cruise to South America and Africa.  She was due to arrive back in the states on Thursday.  Uh-oh......would she be ok to come in and see me?  We talked to our Dr and he said absolutely not.  There is always a slight chance that she picked up something after being on a cruise ship for a month and flying for 24 hours.  My immune system can not handle anything right now....plus, there are infectious people on my floor and I hated to expose her to that....she's had cancer twice and her immune system isn't what it used to be.   That was it......welcome to my poor, poor, pitiful me pity party.  I cried and cried and wondered why all this was happening to me?   You think you are grown up and mature, but sometimes, you just want your mom. 




Friday, February 11th.....my sister is coming to see me.  My mom is with her and The DF had to call and tell her that she can't come in when she gets home.  I did talk to her on the phone and we both cried.  It will be ok.  My treatment finishes up on Saturday, I have to stay in here for 24 hours of observation and fluids and then maybe Monday, I can go home.  I can make it.   And, hey......I have a bit of smile today, I can move my eyebrows a little and people can understand everything I say!   The difference in my speech from Friday morning until Friday evening was unbelievable......it's getting better by the hour!    The Dairy Farmer is still with me....all day.....every day.  If he leaves, it's to grab lunch at the Butcher Shoppe and to bring all the nurses cookies.   Happy nurses....are, well......happy nurses.   Even though my mom couldn't come in.....a stand in showed up.   Cousin Shirley stopped in and she was just what I needed.  We visited and she read me a passage from a book she's been reading about God being a beacon.  Doesn't always seem as bright during the day, but He's there.....but He sure does shine bright in the dark....when you are in need.  True that....thanks Shirley.   That helped me get through that night.


Saturday, February 12th    here we are again.   Groundhog Day....same old, same old.  But, my treatments have ended.  My DR was off for the weekend, so all I can do is hang out and wait until he comes back on Monday.  A new nurse came in and asked me to say my alphabet.....I can say every letter!  She said "your chart says your speech is slurred, but it sounds good to me."  Amen!   The oldest punk didn't want to leave in the evening, so she stayed and had dinner with me and we laid in bed and watched Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy.   They are holding up so well.  Of course, they have my niece Boo to hang out with this weekend and she makes everyone happy!  That night, when the Dairy Farmer left for the night.....he leaned over to give me a kiss.....and for the first time in almost a week.....I COULD KISS HIM BACK!  He said "wow, it was like kissing you for the first time."   I cried....again. 

Sunday, February 13th.....ugghhhh...the longest day ever.  Aidan was vomiting at my Dad's and we decided the kids shouldn't visit.  My sister went home and The Dairy Farmer had to go home and fix a farm problem.  Luckily, for me...my cousin, Sharan made a special trip to the hospital with her therapy dog, Gracie.  Our great dane and I do therapy work, and I know it's a pretty special thing to go to hospitals, nursing homes, schools and libraries to share some puppy love with those who are in need.  Well, having Gracie hang by my bed was a special moment for me.  That furry little face showing up at my door helped brighten my day.  I can't wait until I am up and back to my visits with Abby.    I ended up getting another room mate late Sunday morning and bless her little heart....she was in alot of pain and it was a long, long, long night of her crying in pain and the nurses trying to get her blood pressure stabilized.   Just one more day.....I can do it.

Monday, February 14th.....Happy Valentines Day to me!  Dr G showed up at 7:30 and asked me what happened over the weekend that would require me to stay?  WHAT????   Nothing, I swear....I did everything I was supposed to!  Well then.....home you go!   The Dairy Farmer showed up, I got dressed, packed my bags, got my IV's out and waited for my wheelchair!   The ride home was horrid.  The sun was bright, the truck made me car sick...but we persevered and I got home, got a shower AND GOT INTO MY OWN BED!  Ahhhhhh.

That night, as we were getting ready for bed, Aidan came to hug me and started to cry.  I think the whole event finally took it's toll on all of us and we piled into my bed, held hands, thanked the Lord for everything he has done for us and cried....and cried.....and cried.  My punks held it together and stayed strong for 8 days and it was time to let it all go.   Whew! 

So....the next 3 days were not to my liking....I barely could get out of bed without feeling sick, sweaty and dizzy.  Taryn came home Tuesday and said her stomach was flippy......ironically I had just gotten off the phone with my dad who said he was feeling flippy too.   More prayers......please Lord, I can not handle a stomach virus now.  This was the first day I saw my hubby get a little down.....how much more can we take?  When he crawled into bed that night, he just started laughing.....and I knew, we were all going to be A-OK.

So, here we are.....on the other side.  It reminds me of a country song by Rodney Aikens:   if you're going through hell, keep on going, don't slow down. If you're scared, don't show it and you might get out before the devil even knows you're there.   We made it....we're a little bruised (literally) and battered, a little thinner and a  little grayer....but a whole lot stronger.