Meet The Fockers

So, remember way back when....or, maybe....like....yesterday, I was telling you about my new interrogation tactics?  Well, I took a video of it.   Now, it was WAY better today, because I had the Dairy Farmer helping me and not the punks.  But, even last night, he went in the pen and ran out screaming, "this is too much, even for me!" 

This is the the maternity pen, which normally has 1-3 calves at time.  It's like a holding area....they normally aren't in here very long.  We prefer to move them into a hutch as soon as possible.  We like to keep them seperate from each other, since they are just like toddlers...always sporting a runny nose and zipping about licking everything and putting stuff in their mouths that just doesn't belong in there.  That is a great way to spread disease, so we think they do better in their own bedroom.   

 The exception to the rule are bull calves.  They hang here for a few days until they go to auction.  We send them on Mondays and Thursdays.   If you are a lover of veal piccata, veal paremsan or veal scaloppini...you're welcome.   I, myself, choose not to eat babies of any sort.    It has nothing to do with veal farming itself.....totally a personal choice (and a mental one at that).  I do not like it in a box, I do not like it with a fox. 

Anyway.....my train derailed.....back on track.  We are out of room and all these Little Fockers are in one pen.  Cute as a stinkin' button, they are.  But, they are wicked mean when they are hungry!   As you can tell in the next video, The Dairy Farmer is trying to feed ONE calf and 3 or 4 are giving him a hard time.  And those stinkers just ate almost a gallon of milk each!   Watch how they start rooting and butting him....it's all an instinct, but good heavens, it hurts.   The DF is crying really....that's why he's keeping his head down.   Gotta keep up his tuff guy rep.    It's ok Dairy Farmer.....the truck is on it's way to take the bulls,  we'll be down 5 for this afternoon's feeding. 

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A Sunday Shout Out

To the hardest workin' punks on the planet!  They were nestled all snug in their beds, when their big ole mean momma came in and woke their scrawny butts up at 5:45am.  She made them put on 15 layers of clothes and go outside in the dark, in the cold, in the rain and help her do her work.   You see, we are at maximum calf capacity around here (yes, again!)  Every hutch is full and they are rooming together in the the maternity barn.  Which means, we have 11 calves all in in pen.   It is most certainly NOT a one person work.   

So, I made the punks get up and help me.   I really think our government is missing out on something here.  Forget water boarding, sleep deprivation or the excessive use of Eminem's music, in my opinion, the harshest form of punishment for those hardened war criminals would be to stick them in a pen of hungry calves.  It's torture at it's finest.  I ain't kiddin, folks.  And, if they were really in a heap of trouble, or you wanted to get some info out of them STAT....stick them in that pen naked!   

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It ain't Christmas until......

The soft glow of electric sex appears in your window.

Oh, look at that! Will you look at that? Isn't that glorious? It's... it's... it's indescribably beautiful! It reminds me of the Fourth of July!

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Real time on the farm....

So, it's cold, we can handle it.   So, it's snowing, we can handle it.  But, the wind.....WE CAN'T HANDLE THE WIND! 

Aren't they the most miserable bunch you've ever seen?   It almost brings  a tear to my eye.  I say almost because about 10 feet to the right is a nice, warm, dry barn.  Idiots. 

Now, this here is another story.  This is what happens when your furnace goes bad on the coldest day of the year.  This is what happens when you still try to keep up with the laundry.  This is what happens when your Great Dane is a big baby.  Wimp.   

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Toot your horn!

One question we are often asked is .....why aren't your cows horny?  To that, I say.....oh, honey.....you have no idea.   

Wait....huh...what?  Oh, horny!  As in.....why don't your cows have horns?  Well, they do.  All our dairy cows are born with little teensy weensy nubbins.  They grow bigger as the calf grows bigger.   If we didn't stop the horniness, well....they'd look a bit like this big girl here.  She was not dehorned properly.  Her right horn is almost normal, her left horn is deformed.   BTW....she's a purchased cow, so it's not like The Dairy Farmer doesn't know what he's doing. 

So, that is kinda what they would look like if we didn't dehorn them.  We dehorn them for a couple reasons:  safety for other cows and ourselves and to make sure they don't get stuck in places they shouldn't get stuck.  We need to make sure they can put their heads safely in and out of the head gates (which is where they eat and where they attend their gynecological visits) 

 Now, some cattle are "polled,"  which means they are genetically bred without horns.  I am pretty sure this is for beef breeds.  They are mainly put out to pasture where they eat, drink, fool around and give birth, right out there in the field.   I'm figuring that those farmers don't want to have to go round up a whole bunch of spunky angus and wrastle them, so they go with the polled variety.     On a side note, I usually don't know too much about farm "stuff" so I just make it up as I go.  Take all my drivel with a grain of salt (and make sure that salt is around the rim of a nice margarita) 

Here on our dairy farm, we are more concerned with the genetics of health, body type and milk production, so we go old school and don't worry about horns.   When the calves are a couple months old, The Dairy Farmer has to dehorn them.  I have yet to watch this event occur, so I don't know what all it entails.  All I know is, by the end of the day, the DF comes in the house stinking to high heaven of burnt flesh and you better hand him the TV remote and a beer.

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We still aren't done feeding calves.....

This job takes FOR- EV- VER!  There is a little surprise in this video.....see if you can spot it!

If you look at the gate fartherest away....you'll see a very muddy cow and she has a tiny black calf with her.  She delived early in the alleyway.  The punks call them  "street babies." 

That concludes are video series......at least I warned you it was dry.  The whole process takes us about 1 and 1/2 to 2 hours total with cleanup.  Some days are longer depending on how many bottle calves we have and how cold it is.  This cold weather is really cramping our style!

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Oh yes.....there's more.....

I cut the Dairy Farmer off.....I thought he was going to say something dirty and this project was on the up and up....extremely professional.....so I cut him off.  What he was really going to say was "I always have my sexy on."  And, he's right, he does. 

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